Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
