Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
