also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
