just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
