all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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