like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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