White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
