I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
