Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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