I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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