Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
