every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
