ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
