The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
