youre lurking in front of me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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