you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
