tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
