Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize