zippers are such a cool invention
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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