That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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