WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Mom said you looked used
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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