I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
