I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
