Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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