guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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