I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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