Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
