just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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