Dual....:-)
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We had sex on a dog bed..
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
