he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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