just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hippo gnu deer
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
