yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
