Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my being single is dangerous.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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