what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
