So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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