i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
