Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you made out with another girl for some wings
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
