Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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