She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
