That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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