is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
