Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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