he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
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Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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