so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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