So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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