you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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