So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
