Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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