I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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