Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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