I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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