Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
