hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
