the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
