I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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