I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
