dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's rum buckets o'clock
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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