Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
