Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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