i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
