He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
